I believe she could make it real.
I wrote a pome
Enjoy this new poem from me, it is topical
I mean
10 minutes into scritches and chill and he gives u this look
Welp.
Mugsy, everybody. Everybody, Mugsy.
Welcome to the New DILFy Workshop
I'm yah host, Nahm
It's taken most of four decades, but my handyman skills are finally such that I will not shame the name of my father when he is gone from this earth.
Gone probably because of a power tool mishap. Still.
America.
Chin up
Spotted at the liberry.
My daughter, ladies and gentlemen
We read to know we're not alone
I have never in my life seen a writer describe this sensation that I used to feel almost weekly and still occasionally bump up against. There's a fluttering in the chest, a mild pressure in the eyes. You become aware of the full range of your peripheral vision. And you're dead certain something very important is about to be revealed.
Damned if you know what, though.
We're labeling now
I believe she's settled in.
And it's unopened
Going through your parents' stuff is 30% why-did-they-keep-this, 60% hey-that's-neat, and 10% American historical treasures.
My favorite thing I found is still the whorehouse tokens, though.
I miss adjusting the vertical hold
Let's take a moment to appreciate my TV antenna, AKA the best thing I ever made (including my children)
Always enable two-factor authentication
It's just safer
Correct Horse Battery Ftagn
My diceware passwords are uncrackable, but my phone keeps screaming NOT THE BEES at me now
The 17 Stages of Socializing for Introverts
- Hey, man!
- Yeah, things are good. You?
- Here is the one funny anecdote I prepared
- Excuse me, I have to use the bathroom
- Yeah, Hamilton, totally
- So...
- Do we have enough wine for tonight? I can run to the store...no? Okay, if you change your mind
- Excuse me, bathroom break
- Haha, yeah...
- No, I'm fine, I just have this bladder thing?
- Are you kidding? I love cleaning people's kitchens
- Oh, your dog and I are just getting to know each other. This little guy looks like he needs a walk!
- I think it might have been that convenience store shellfish
- My boss just texted me and I have to go. Work emergency.
- Yeah, sometimes we have to do surprise Sunday inventories at the bank.
- I know it's 10 pm, banking is weird sometimes
- I have anal papilloma virus
This rowbutt is pretty got dang sweet
I tell you what
Something They Can Never Take Away
Raise a glass to the four of us.
Tomorrow there had damn well better be exactly the same number of us.
Don't ever talk to me or my son again
Blood bag
Woodworking as Foreplay
Made a surprise for my wife:
#sext