My friends help me work around my weaknesses
Inviting the Smell
In which there is a holiday for unprotected sex
My annual blessing: If anything red and screamy ever emerged from your vagina, then hey, here’s a greeting card.
Greetings, Meatbag
CARROT5 just became my favorite weather app. Again.
Natural language processing is quite a thing
Calendar app killing it on the “you get me” front
In Which I Made it Weird
I tried to send a little levity to my nephew, who is laid up with a kidney stone, and his mom, and…welp
The Beret Factor
Kids, are you ready for an exciting career in mobile app development?
Still stuck at the airport
I made this last year as an admittedly smug one-off Twitter joke. I keep it as a reminder to (1) try to not so much with the smug already and (2) work toward a world where I can afford to use some of the energy currently spent on grim resolve for frivolous shit like being a smug jerk. Or, y'know, helping.
I figure once the Russians fix our cyber I…CRAP I'm being smug again, they make it SO HARD
This is where we are right now
He wants, more than anything, to be taken seriously.
Let us now praise sharts fired
You ever have a sneeze go all the way down to your feet? Seeing this felt like that.
Like a tuning fork going off on your dingdong
...To Fly?
I was invented the same year as the modern Hollywood blockbuster. To celebrate this, I have taken a notion to watch the top 3 grossing films from every year of the first decade of my life. Some points worth considering here:
- The question of going by total worldwide vs. domestic box office. Domestic means I can do "Animal House" instead of "Jaws 2" and "Kramer vs. Kramer" and "The Amityville Horror" instead of "Moonraker", but I'm having a hard time justifying missing "Alien".
- I have seen a lot of these. Science dictates that I must do it again.
- Star Wars. The movie is called Star Wars. I don't give a good goddamn what George says.
- Related: I will only watch the despecialized editions.
- Wow, there's a lot of Stallone here. Can any one man process that much?
- Raiders, the movie that proved that it's okay not only to punch Nazis but also melt their faces off of their skulls, will be watched in black and white. I may do the actual Soderbergh silent cut. WHY NOT BOTH?
The fuck is wrong with people
Hidden Treasures
I've been hunting for vintage dinner plates online and my tracking cookie ads have gotten unexpectedly great:
This is WAY better than when they show me stuff I already bought on Amazon.
git branch feature-whoopsie
Never forget that everyone is faking it at least as hard as you are.
Good morning.
A reminder why hearsay isn't generally regarded as good evidence for criminal trials.
I wrote a pome
Enjoy this new poem from me, it is topical
Always enable two-factor authentication
It's just safer
Woodworking as Foreplay
Made a surprise for my wife:
#sext
Nekro Atsume
Pretty excited about my new wallpaper, you guys.
Dam Ewe Otto Correct
Voice recognition software appears to be striving for a deeper truth than mere literal dictation.